Wind Spirits

well here i am. it seems like ages since my last post, i felt a need for catch up session is needed.
let's see, the big 3-0 is coming,
a very dear friend will be leaving (though it's still a few months before he does, but i know i will miss him so),
new friends are coming into my life, still thinking of dear old friends (some still here, others gone because of some reason or another),
experiencing strange new things (not saying anything here ;>),
and am dreaming of stars again, in the dark sky,
with a certain distinct feeling coming over me whenever i dream of them.
a sense of deep calm like when you're walking on the beach at night with wind in your hair,
and the smell of distant shores wafting in the air.
a sort of expectation at the back of your head, nagging at you. yearning for something uncertain, yet hopeful.
like seeing clearly in the dark.
only the moon and the stars to light your way..
the wind is cold but the heart is warm.. and content..

sigh....

the rest will come in future posts.

cheers luvs!

it is a funny thing to want love.
if you go and try to run after it, the more you get closer to it the farther it flies away from you.
if you just sit there and decide to wait for it to happen, it'll just hover near you, teasing you, but not go near you.
why is it such a big thing, this thing called love?
and mind you, i've been told that there are many forms of love. as if plain love wasn't enough already to keep you on your toes. heh...
is love real? i mean is it really?
or do we just associate it with something that gives our egos a boost?
or as a salve to soothe the itch?
or to fill a need, something psychological or spiritual perhaps?
i look around, even in the most perfect of relationships as one might deem them,
i see the pain that needs to be soothed, the anger to be calmed, and mostly fear...
fear of being alone...
left out...
untouched...
unwanted...
this need for reassurance that another living soul wants them, needs them...
but always.. always never enough.
there's never enough for anyone... there's never enough of somebody for anyone...

honestly, i don't know where i'm going with this. hmph.. sometimes i amuse myself.

but let me just imagine that i know what i'm talking about.
and to carry on with what i started here, let's say i wanted to say this:
that even with this realization, this "epiphany" if i may so eloquently add,
i also know that i am a part of this machination, this beast.
and at best i may fall into any one of the definitions that i have stated above. but, with what i'm privy too, i also know that i am much more than this. i have to be, but how do you do this? i don't exactly know how.
all i know is i have to love less of love's shadow that most of us make it stand for but more of the substance that it should have been made of....

or maybe am just sleepy...

g'nyt luvs!
cheers!

Current Mood: amused, pensive, groggy
Current Music: dream a little dream of me...

I am a A Ruby Dragon!

Hey, I took the http://dragonhame.com online Inner Dragon quiz and found out I am a Ruby Dragon on the inside.

In the war between good and evil, Ruby Dragons take the side of the noble and good....
When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon walks a fine line between Law and Chaos....
As far as magical tendancies, Your inner dragon has the ability to conquer the world of magic, but it will not be easy....
During combat situations, a true Ruby Dragon prefers to defeat opponents by the use of spells and other tactics....
The Ruby Dragon makes its home in lush forests with lots of flowers and abundant animal life. They treasure colorful things and bright sunshine.'
Appearing as a translucent ruby, it is a beautiful thing to see one as one flies overhead. The suns ray's pass through the dragon's body creating a deep red shadow. It's scales magnify the suns rays into bright ruby red beams to highlight this effect.'
Ruby Dragons harbor a great thirst for travel and foreign places, but always long to come home, for their home is their castle and refuge. A Ruby Dragons temper is fired up by injustice, and when a Ruby Dragon feels it is right, it is terribly difficult to change its opinion. Ruby Dragons appreciate creativity and artful thinking.
'
This Dragons favorite elements are: Rubies, Sunlight, and Wisdom

http://Dragonhame.Com

Current Mood: relaxed

You are Justin.


Which Queer As Folk Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

* talked with soulsoother... the walls have fallen! hands clasped hands again, and my brother has returned.. thank you soulsoother... for heeding the calls i threw to the wind...
* talked with domini... and domini... for the lifeline, i am grateful... we shod do that often. :)
* talked with the Bug... Bug.. ei! u do irritate me sometimes, heck most times, but that's why u are so dear to me! hehehe
* talked with bigF... i just wish i could talk bigF out of his shell and be out in the open for a change.. i think he's just made himself too comfortable in that shell of his right now. (make a note: find ways to crack that shell..)
* talked with honey J-Iloilo... damn.. wish you were here... (or i was there) hehe...

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: rainbow connection ; )

im sorry that what i have to offer is not much.
i long to say it'll be ok, but i myself am doubtful.
in the gloom of our misery, we must cling to the hope
of catching our ray of light.
though fleeting, this ray of light, it is always
a sure sign of a warmth and brightness behind the gloom.
way beyond the reach of misery's storm. take heed
and catch the light.

tired... fought with soulsoother... darn wish he'd make up his mind...
always in between... kinda reminds me of me when i was his age...
my mood changed several times today... was supposed to do my report...
fuming... am tired...

interesting things were brought out tonight as the gang spent the night at the café...
choice was discussed.. how we have the power to make them and the responsibility that we have to take in dealing with the repercussions that may arise from them....
i know sometimes it is hard to accept this fact, that we are the ones making our own problems... that each misery we experience was caused by our actions... but it is also worth taking into consideration that the choice may be ours, but we will always be influenced by the great powers that shaped our childhood....

Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Why (Annie Lennox)

Expectation is a dangerous journey to begin with.
It's very hard to know when you should not do so, even if you know so.
Please be careful with the choices you throw to the wind,
some may be gems in the rough.
Be slow with your choices but hold fast to your decisions.
But know also that mistakes abound and when you do encounter one,
know it, learn it, don't hold on to it, but stash it in your bag of
life's burdens, and keep going.
You ask where?
I would say in the direction wherever the wind
smells fresher than from where you are right now.
Wherever that may be, will be something you
(or anyone else for that matter) never expected.
So it is also wise to watch for butterflies as you make your way.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: A Whiter Shade of Pale

For you who has come after
the great seeking,
whose wanderlust has waned.
Life's brevity and inequity,
has all but consumed the soul,
and in desperation languishes.

Take heart, for this is all fleeting
and the reasons you hold on to,
are all but inconsequential
all this, will come to naught.

Do not harbor an angry heart,
for it is an aberration that
prevents you from basking in
the light of love.
keep a tempered heart instead,
and learn all the small things
that it has to teach you.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Spring (Vivaldi)

the wind embraced me with its arms
and danced with the trees around me...
the rustling leaves carry me back to my past...

(everything is light and hazy and i am touched by loving hands...
every kiss, every stroke of pure affection i feel
and i was touched for the first time
by those that gave me life...
born a water bearer, a patient hand i was dealt...
with my first step, the dream bore me
and the first finger of the eastern heaven's sun
touched the first pebble of the path that i would tread....)

and the wind let go...
and i stand alone...
amidst the trees...
in the middle of the path
of pebbles covered by leaves.

Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Only Time (Enya)